Assuming Direct Control
by Palaven Blues
Summary: Post-Control ending, a heartbroken Tali is left behind when Kara Shepard dies. Tali/FShep. For the September contest at Aria's Aftelife.


Tali's breath hitched as she placed Commander Shepard's plaque on the wall of _Normandy's_ lost crew. She waited until she could steady her voice before allowing any sound to escape the confines of her suit to speak aloud.

"Commander Kara Shepard. Your sacrifice to save all will not be forgotten, nor taken for granted. Good-bye, Kara."

A few of the others had a word or two, then they all started trickling away, until only Tali and Garrus remained. Tali waited a long moment, wanting to have just a second alone with her grief at Kara's inadequate memorial. Garrus stayed, shifting from foot to foot, but still obdurate.

"Tali." He hesitated, flicked his mandibles, tried again. "Tali, she was a good commander. A good friend."

Tali turned her gaze on him, using the set of her shoulders to convey what a withering stare could not, through the mask. "She was more than that to me."

"I know, I just—" Shift to left foot, mandibles stuttering in silence. Shift to right foot, glancing around for help.

And she'd worried once that the commander might have turned to _him_ for more than friendship.

Garrus tried to put a hand on her shoulder, and this she could not bear. She turned and walked away, muttering under her breath. No essence of Kara lingered at the memorial wall, anyway.

"_Ke sana bosh'tet elan,"_ she swore, taking vindictive pleasure in being able to cuss people out without the suit broadcasting it to them. She had to live her life in a latex prison, but it did hold a few advantages.

Surprised, Tali stopped cold when she found herself at the door to Kara's—to _their—_

She choked back a sob, though no one could hear, and rushed into the cabin she had shared with Kara. It wasn't right. Kara had fought, long grueling years spent cleaning up after everyone and convincing them to stand up to the Reapers. She finally died in the fight and all that remained was a _kel'sa_ plaque on the wall.

Tali collapsed in a pile on the floor, half-leaning against the fishtank wall as she keened. Gone; forever gone. On the official record, missing, though everyone knew her KIA. A few members of the _Normandy_ crew had seen the body, even if the official story insisted on keeping the lie of hope alive.

"Why couldn't you have come back one more time?" she wailed. The blue glow of the tank illuminated a small portion of the room around her as she wept, looking almost like a spotlight, her grief a show she would perform for no one.

#

"_Tali."_

Tali'Zorah bolted upright; she'd know her lover's voice anywhere, even with the overlay of electronic distortion.

"_Tali."_

She identified the source as Kara's computer this time, and sobbed once. Pushing herself to her feet, she typed into her omni, fingers flying as she blocked whatever final message Kara had left. Didn't she think it might just be cruel for Tali to hear her voice again so soon?

Tali sobbed again. Kara had taken a moment, sometime before the final battle, to record a private message just for her, and she couldn't even make herself listen to it. Worse still, she had no one to turn to in her grief; she had not been close enough to anyone else to share this with.

"_Tali!"_ This time, her own omni was the offender; furious tears rolling down her face, Tali punched in more commands, forcing the omni to abandon all attempts to play the message now.

"I'll listen later, I promise," she whispered. Her legs trembled as she leaned against the fishtank.

"_Hey, Sparks!"_ Vega's voice burst through the intercom, making her jump.

"_Keelah_, what?" she snapped.

"_Your drone's gone a little crazy, down here. It, uh, keeps shouting your name … but it's using Commander Shepard's—"_

"Shut it down!" Tali yelled. Her vision blurred, wavered. Again, she typed rapid commands into her omni. "EDI, I am disabling all communication to this room for the time being. Even if the ship should burst into flame, someone can come knock!"

"_Understood, Admiral Tali'Zorah."_

A moment later, EDI disconnected and the cabin hushed. No messages through the intercom, Kara's computer, or her own omni. Maybe if someone wanted to send a message through the fishtank VI, they could.

Tali's shoulders sagged, sudden fatigue weighing her down. She plodded to her bed and lay down, pulling her legs up to her chest and wrapping her arms around her knees. She couldn't even seem to cry, now. Had she run out of tears so soon, when there was so much grief left?

"_Tali."_

"Oh, _Keelah,_ no," she moaned. Kara could not have sent a message to the suit interface; it didn't work that way. She hugged her knees tighter, worry biting at her, telling her she'd gone mad. So soon? With Kara gone such a short time?

"_Tali, it's me."_

A warm tingle slid down her neck, ending with a sharp, sweet pain at the base, just over her spine. The few times she'd been out of her suit, Kara had kissed her just that way, with a nip at the base of her neck after.

"Kara?" she whispered. How? Kara's fingers seemed to glide over her, leaving ghostly trails as Tali followed their gentle command to uncurl, to roll over. She had not programmed anything like this into the nerve-stim. She wasn't even sure she knew _how_ to program something so detailed, down to the exact way Kara's tongue felt on her—

"_Keelah!" _ Tali cried, arching up off bed, nipples seeking out the warm mouth that had inexplicably drawn away. _"Verassa ke'nai sel! Keelah, _how? Kara—"

"_If you'd rather, I can explain that one a little later."_

Another wave of sensation followed Kara's smug words, and Tali surrendered to it.

#

Hours later, Tali lay across the bed, half-asleep. "I thought you died."

"_Well, you know. Rumors. Exaggerated. Blah blah blah."_

"I saw your body." Tali's shoulders shook as she started sobbing again, whether at the loss, or the relief of knowing it wasn't permanent, she did not know.

"_Hey, hey. It's okay, senn."_

Through the nerve-stim, Tali could once again feel her lover pressed against her, curled around her, strong arms wrapped around Tali's narrow waist.

"_We can figure out the body later. As long as I'm still here, we'll figure it all out."_

"I missed you so much, senn."

"_Shh, it's okay. You don't have to miss me ever again."_


End file.
